How I'm feeling today

by Roni

UNCONTROLLABLE CIRCUMSTANCES

You were my friend, not a good one at first just the normal hellos and pleasantries that we all know.

No need to get deeper, just hi and bye was good enough.

Then you shared your life with me, letting me know the trials you were going through.

You let me in, gave me the privilege of sharing space with your only child, letting me see the pain you were in because of the diagnosis that was slowly ravishing your body.

Calls here, texts there, you would let me know if you were ok. You almost never were.

I saw you slowly waste away, saw your hair fall out, saw the life being painfully and forcefully sucked out of you.

.

Now you are gone. Your child is now deprived of the amazingly beautiful smile of the one who is supposed to help her through this difficult journey we call life.

The scriptures give hope, help in times when our emotions can’t quite comprehend the circumstances that while we knew they were coming, we still can’t process the final result.

Pain, agony, regret. One minute your life is happy and full of joy and then after one announcement, you can be turned into a pile of emotional garbage, just waiting for someone to come and take this out.

The tears, the pain, the “what ifs.”

Having a heart that is heavy is painful. Reflecting on what was and what can’t be for the moment is difficult. Doing it alone is unbearable.

These uncontrollable circumstances, please take them away from me.

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4 comments

Anonymous March 2, 2012 - 3:16 am

Roni: I'm a long time lurker at your wonderful blog and I'm delurking briefly to let you know how sorry I am for your loss. I hope you find comfort in the memories of the time that you spent with the person you lost.

Reply
Roni Faida March 3, 2012 - 2:20 pm

Thank you very much for delurking and posting, I appreciate it and thank you for reading my blog.

She was a lovely person, she is missed.

I'll post more pics later on today from my trip.

Reply
Felicia Shelton March 12, 2012 - 1:05 pm

Faida, I am so sorry for the loss of what seems through your writing, a very dear friend. My prayers and thoughts are with you, this persons family , especially the child.

Reply
Roni Faida March 15, 2012 - 1:49 pm

Thank you darlin. She was lovely.

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